Completely Off The Rails
Lost my job in January 2019, and now upon reflection my ADHD may have had something to do with it. 4 months have passed, and I have done sqat. Sitting at home and giving me all the time to do stuff, I learnt CAD design, became expert at Home depot, shopped for 3d printers --basically did all non essential stuff other than look for a job. For some reason typing up my resume and looking for a job is one of the hardest things for me
Now here is the kicker---I have a part time company where one of the primary things that I do is work on resumes and interviews for others. I am good at it and make enough money on the side to worry about taxes.
Now for me to be my own client -- NO WAY. I am unable to manage myself. Completely failed in the job search process. Have not landed a decent interview--not because I am not qualified -- because I was not disciplined.
Today i have had enough. I was lost like Alice in wonderland. If my regular distractions alone impacted my ability to concentrate and focus, the emotional feeling of having failed and totally unable to sit down focus and do the goal oriented tasks -- has simply overwhelmed me.
It was then I had to accept that the ADD snake had taken control over me. I don’t know when it does but it sneaks up on me and does that.
Sadly my ability to ultra hyperfocus only provides temporary relief and false sense of hope that I can focus. But I can’t. I can ultra hyper focus. But I cannot focus. This distinction is lost on me.
Today I decided to reset and went to the gym and meditated. Started writing a journal AFTER FULLY ACCEPTING that I HAVE ADD.
I have to do something about it first, before I can expect to have any success.